I am merely an average twenty-something....But God...

I am not much different than the average 25 year old in America. I went to all the way through the public education system, played sports (and stunk at most), joined clubs, and was involved with all the normal activities associated with the age range I was in. During High School I was rebellious like a majority of teenagers, I knew it all and my parents knew nothing even though my grades showed that I "needed improvement".

Not unlike many Americans graduates of High School I went to college uncertain of what I specifically wanted to do with my life, I made many friends whom I am still in contact with today and did many things I regret while in college - not unlike many others. Just as many others did I graduated college with the attitude and confusion of "what now?" while working a job just to pay rent and pretend like I was still in college without having to do the school work. You see everything about my life is average, nothing is spectacular about the choices I've made, who I am, or the family that I came from. I am average.

I said, "God Take Control"...

However in the past decade I have noticed that their is something different in my life. Even amidst my average life their is something that is not so quite average about it. Somewhere along the path of my life something that was to big or to unimaginable for me to even wrap my head around happened. I was broken inside. There was a hurt inside that was indescribable - like the hurt when someone close to you dies and you realize for the first time that you can never see or talk to them again. It was like I was eternally separated from someone that I had never even known. Who was this or what was this feeling? I felt as if I could do nothing right, every choice I made was wrong and resulted in unforgivable consequences. Somewhere along my life God revealed Himself to me. I'm not sure when it happened or how it happened - All I know multiple times along the way I have prayed, "God, I cannot do this on my own, I need you to take control and direct my paths" and God has taken this average life of mine and made it an exceedingly great life for Him.

There Internal Battle of Godly Maturity vs. Youthful Selfishness

Just because I have prayed that prayer multiple times doesn't mean that life is automatically easy. Each day I have choices that I have to make. So what impacts the choices I make? There are actually a few things.

In society right and wrong can change yearly, monthly and daily. In 1960 it was wrong for a black man to drink from the same water fountain and a white man - today we have a black man as president. How did the rules of what was right or wrong change? Or was it always wrong and we were just confused? What is right and wrong and can you answer that? Does it cahnge from person to person? So how do you measure what is write and wrong in the choices that you make daily? In my life I feel as if I have a perfect example of what is right and what is wrong through the life that Jesus Christ lived. Think about it - a man that always did what was right? That is impossible for any of us to even wrap around in our head, I can't even go a day with making all right choices.

So I have an example of what is right and wrong, thats great, but at the same time what good is it? Many of us have sat down and pretended we were going to be artistic by trying to copy a beautiful sight that we can see in nature down on a piece of paper for others to see. Maybe it turned out different for you, but even though I had the perfect example of beauty right in front of me, the drawing I attempted to copy down on a piece of paper was atrocious. However when I was in college an incredible technological invention came to be, the digital pocket camera. Now when I hiked places and saw these incredible natural beauties, I was no longer dependent upon trying to capture the beauty by myself but had a tool to assist me in capturing it perfectly.

Life is similar - even though we have the perfect example of Jesus Christ portrayed for us in scripture if we try to imitate or copy the perfect life Jesus Christ lived, we always ends up failing atrociously. But just as the digital pocket camera is a tool to assist us capturing beauty, when Christ died, He left us the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is fully God indwelling inside of us, helping us to live lives that glorify God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.

Sometimes when I go on a hike and I take pictures to capture the beauty that I have seen, I get home and plug the camera into my computer and the picture are still atrocious. Sometimes its blurry because I jerked it at the wrong time, or sometimes its washed out because I pointed it to close to the sun, or ect. you get the picture. The camera was made to function perfect, made to take gorgeous pictures and one of the best technological advances of the past century. However for me to be able to capture gorgeous pictures I must be familiar with the camera. I must know the camera inside and out, know all the functions, know how to change the exposure, shutter speed, and all the trivial things of photography. If I know the camera and how it functions, in even the most difficult settings I can accomplish a beautiful photograph.

It it is the same way with God. Just because we have the perfect example in Christ, and we have the Holy Spirit living inside of us - it doesn't mean we won't ever botch things up. However the more that we begin to learn God inside and out, the more we begin to have an intimate relationship with Him, the more that we learn to hear His voice and the Spirit living inside of us then the more He will be able to accomplish beautiful photographs in our own lives.

We Were Made to Fail - But God...

Growing up I knew who God was and I knew that He desired to have a relationship with me. Even with that knowledge there were periods where I would botch things up so bad that I felt as if I had to hide from God until I cleaned myself back up. I knew and still know how Adam and Eve felt when they first sinned with eating the fruit from the forbidden tree. They felt shame. They got the Holiness of God. I think anyone who truly knows God gets the Holiness of God and the vastness of our sin. However I don't know if everyone gets the grace of God. In the Ephesians we can read about the vastness of our sin how deep and dark and atrocious our sin is to God. But the amazing part, the part that took me forever to really comprehend, is found in Ephesians 2. It says that even though we are sinful and dead in our sin, God, because of His great love, made us alive with Christ, and has saved us out of our sin because of grace. (Eph 2:4-5) This is phenomenal - when we do something wrong we don't have to hide it, God knows that we are sinful! Who knew? In actuality we are embedded with sinfulness, it is who we are. Us trying to pretend we are not sinful and attempting to live lives apart from sin is like a 400 lb man trying to pretend he can attempt extreme sports - its just not going to happen no matter how hard you try.

When I truly began to understand this concept it made my life so easier! No longer did I have to pretend I was something I was not. I was sinful! I was full of sin and I didn't have to pretend I lived a perfect life! Growing up in church my whole life I had always felt as if we had to guard the sin in our lives and have this false pretense when we went to church that everything was perfect in our lives. When I finally understood the concept that if I could live a perfect life - then there would be no need for Jesus to die on the cross - there was such a freedom from the chains of sin that I cannot even describe. Through this basic concept I had a better understanding of Who God was and what my relationship with Him looked like.

I am human. I am sinful. I have no hope of ever living a perfect or attaining eternal life without God. BUT GOD!!!! Being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even though we were dead in our trespasses (sin), made us ALIVE together in Christ - by His GRACE WE HAVE BEEN SAVED!!! What a difference this made in my outlook in life. No longer was I living not to fail, but I was living a life to point to God.

In every choice I begin to make after I realized this truth it was not for some legalistic law, or what can I do to stay close to perfect, but it was, "What Can I do to Point Back to what God Has Done in me?".

This principal understanding changes everything!

When Satan Temps Us To Despair...

I get the concept that I am a sinner. I get the concept that God doesn't expect me not to be a sinner. I get the concept that God loves me in spite of knowing that I am a sinner. But, there are those days, those weeks, and yes even sometime times those months, when Satam Temps me to despair. He points out just how little I have to offer and how sinful and I am. When Satan does this, if even just for a moment I forget to look towards the cross and the grace of God - I began to feel the guilt within. One of my Favorite Songs at the time has a verse that is amazing:

When Satan tempts me to despair, and tells me of the guilt within, 
upward I look and see Him there Who made an end to all my sin. 
Because the sinless Savior died,my sinful soul is counted free; 
For God, the Just, is satisfied to look on him and pardon me. 

It may sound stupid but there are days in which I will feel Satan to begin to tempt me with the despair inside of me and I will just begin to sing this verse of the song. Realizing the truth found in Romans 3 ....there is no distintion...for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and all are justified by grace as a gift through the redemption of Jesus Christ....Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded! By what principle? Of Works? No, by the principle of faith!.... If I draw back in to the proper perspective and realize that I have not been saved by anything that I have done right, but by the things that Jesus did right. I am alright because God is satisfied to look upon Jesus and pardon me from all the things that I have done wrong.

Sometimes you just have to tell Satan to back off!!! Our confidence is not in our ability to not fail - if it was we'd all be damned.

What Now?: Love = Worship = Service

I've talked a lot about how I can't accomplish perfection. So why even try?

I recently got married to the love of my life. When we began to date I told her if she was looking for prince charming or the perfect man portrayed in the cinema world then we might as well never even began the relationship because I would let her down. Luckily for me she was looking for an imperfect man who was redeemed. I acknowledged that I would fail her in our relationship and she acknowledged that she would fail me - so do we not try? Heck No! I love my wife! I'm not talking about this fake cinema love that lasts a year or two till the other person disappoints you then you're off with them. By me saying I love my wife I mean I serve her. Love in a true biblical relationship is a verb - you love by serving one another - putting each other above your own self.

I think the imagery of a man and woman goes perfectly with our relationship with God. Actually I would argue that apart from a healthy relationship with God you can never fully understand how to have a biblical healthy marriage.

I know I am not perfect! Yes! So why try? Because God first loved (served) me. I love God because He made a way for redemption. Through my life I attempt with everything that is in me to Worship/Glorify/Love/Serve God. All those terms over the past few years have seemingly become one to me. If I do one, I accomplish them all - I can't separate my Love from my Service, my service glorify's God, and all of it is Worship.

If I had married my wife and told her I was not perfect but yet I did nothing to love or serve her, how healthy do you think our marriage would be? Sure we would be married, and I still might get all the benefits of being married as well but what would I be telling my wife of her worth to me? Now That's a silly question, but how many of us do the same thing to God after we begin our relationship with Him? How many of us get "fire-insurance" and then quit pursuing ways to love God who loved us so greatly He sent His Son to die for us?

So why is their a need to even try if I can just be pardened by the Son? When you love someone you show them by serving them. Love = Service. If I desire to respond to the one who first loved me by worshiping Him then I will serve Him, declaring my love and His worth, worshiping Him and pointing all the glory back towards him.

Conclusion

I am an average twenty-something in America. I struggle with the same temptations, pressures, and emotions of all those around me. I like most twenty-somethings have financial struggles and stresses. I am just average. But, God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved ME, even when I was dead in MY trespasses, make ME alive with Christ, and saved ME by grace. Amen.